COVEN OF ASH AND FLAME - YA Contemporary Fantasy

[juliaalexandra17]

Thank you in advance for your feedback!

Dear Agent, 

COVEN OF ASH AND FLAME is a YA Contemporary Fantasy novel complete at 91,000 words with series potential. My manuscript will appeal to those who love the witty voice and forbidden romance of Crave by Tracy Wolff and the reluctant heroine and fragmented fantasy world of Sara Holland’s Havenfall.


Sixteen-year-old Jenna Grant can't seem to keep the fires under control. It’s hard to enjoy a simple speed date when there’s a chance she’ll set her charming date aflame—which she did. It’s even harder when everyone watching is calling her a freak.


Maybe they’ve got a point. After a beast attacks Jenna in the middle of a forest fire she caused, she discovers that she is the final member of a dying race of fire warriors. Together with four other covens, the Fire Coven is tasked with keeping the elements in line. As the only one who can save her people, Jenna must endure death-defying trials alongside new allies from her coven to revive her race and prevent apocalyptic natural disasters.


When an elemental catastrophe puts her innocent brother in the hospital, she has no choice but to pursue the only relic powerful enough to save him and her people: the Fire Opal. That is, if the rogue leader of the dark matter wielders doesn’t find it first. She embarks on her cross-country quest with flame sword in-tow, navigating coven rivalries and resisting a forbidden attraction to her sworn protector. Finding the stone will save the earth and her brother, but Jenna’s evolution into a coven warrior may destroy any hope of returning to the world she calls home.


Thank you for your time and consideration,

Julia Alexandra

[Lora Palmer]

I like your query! The story sounds exciting and something I'd love to read. Here are a few thoughts I had while reading the query:

Jul 15, 2022 11:38:14 GMT -5 juliaalexandra17 said:

Thank you in advance for your feedback!

Dear Agent, 

COVEN OF ASH AND FLAME is a YA Contemporary Fantasy novel complete at 91,000 words with series potential. My manuscript will appeal to those who love the witty voice and forbidden romance of Crave by Tracy Wolff and the reluctant heroine and fragmented fantasy world of Sara Holland’s Havenfall.


Sixteen-year-old Jenna Grant can't seem to keep the fires under control. It’s hard to enjoy a simple speed date when there’s a chance she’ll set her charming date aflame—which she did. It’s even harder when everyone watching is calling her a freak. [Does the everyone watching include people she knows, like from school? If so, that might even be more powerful to include.]


Maybe they’ve got a point. After a beast attacks Jenna in the middle of a forest fire she caused, she discovers that she is the final member of a dying race of fire warriors. Together with four other covens, the Fire Coven is tasked with keeping the elements in line. As the only one who can save her people, Jenna must endure death-defying trials alongside new allies from her coven to revive her race and prevent apocalyptic natural disasters. [I'm thinking this last line might fit better in the last paragraph.]


When an elemental catastrophe puts her innocent brother in the hospital, she has no choice but to pursue the only relic powerful enough to save him and her people: the Fire Opal.That is, if the rogue leader of the dark matter wielders doesn’t find it first. [As the only one who can save her people, Jenna must endure death-defying trials alongside new allies from her coven to revive her race and prevent apocalyptic natural disasters.] She embarks on her cross-country quest with flame sword in-tow, navigating coven rivalries and resisting a forbidden attraction to her sworn protector. Finding the stone will save the earth and her brother, but Jenna’s evolution into a coven warrior may destroy any hope of returning to the world she calls home.

Thank you for your time and consideration,

Julia Alexandra

[christinaf]

Jul 15, 2022 11:38:14 GMT -5 juliaalexandra17 said:

Thank you in advance for your feedback!

Dear Agent, 

COVEN OF ASH AND FLAME is a YA Contemporary Fantasy novel complete at 91,000 words with series potential. My manuscript will appeal to those who love the witty voice and forbidden romance of Crave by Tracy Wolff and the reluctant heroine and fragmented fantasy world of Sara Holland’s Havenfall.


Sixteen-year-old Jenna Grant can't seem to keep the fires under control. It’s hard to enjoy a simple speed date when there’s a chance she’ll set her charming date aflame—which she did. It’s even harder when everyone watching is calling her a freak. Love the voice in this opening!


Maybe they’ve got a point. After a beast attacks Jenna in the middle of a forest fire she caused, she discovers that she is the final member of a dying race of fire warriors. Together with four other covens, the Fire Coven is tasked with keeping the elements in line. As the only one who can save her people, Jenna must endure death-defying trials alongside new allies from her coven to revive her race and prevent apocalyptic natural disasters. How do these trials revive her race and what is causing the apocalyptic disasters? You might not need to explain all of it but maybe add more about this?


When an elemental catastrophe puts her innocent brother in the hospital, she has no choice but to pursue the only relic powerful enough to save him and her people: the Fire Opal. That is, if the rogue leader of the dark matter wielders (who are these people? More like, how do they relate to Jenna) doesn’t find it first. She embarks on her cross-country quest with flame sword in-tow, navigating coven rivalries and resisting a forbidden attraction to her sworn protector. Finding the stone will save the earth (How? Again, you don't need to fully explain but maybe a bit more here?) and her brother, but Jenna’s evolution into a coven warrior may destroy any hope of returning to the world she calls home.


Thank you for your time and consideration,

Julia Alexandra


This is a great start! Maybe just a bit more expanding, but overall nice job!

[hannahgreer]

Jul 15, 2022 11:38:14 GMT -5 juliaalexandra17 said:

Thank you in advance for your feedback!

Dear Agent, 

COVEN OF ASH AND FLAME is a YA Contemporary Fantasy novel complete at 91,000 words with series potential. My manuscript will appeal to those who love the witty voice and forbidden romance of Crave by Tracy Wolff and the reluctant heroine and fragmented fantasy world of Sara Holland’s Havenfall. I like how you use your comps, picking out specific elements seems to give your story a specific feel before even knowing anything about it. (Side note, I love Sara Holland, but I haven't read Havenfall.  I'll have to check it out)


Sixteen-year-old Jenna Grant can't seem to keep the fires under control. It’s hard to enjoy a simple speed date when there’s a chance she’ll set her charming date(maybe say partner in order to avoid the repeated use of date?) aflame—which she did. It’s even harder when everyone watching is calling her a freak.


Maybe they’ve got a point. After a beast attacks Jenna in the middle of a forest fire she caused, she discovers that she is the final member of a dying race of fire warriors. Together with four other covens, the Fire Coven is tasked with keeping the elements in line. As the only one who can save her people, Jenna must endure death-defying trials alongside new allies from her coven to revive her race and prevent apocalyptic natural disasters. This last sentence is a lot, maybe a little more info would be helpful?


When an elemental catastrophe puts her innocent brother in the hospital, she has no choice but to pursue the only relic powerful enough to save him and her people: the Fire Opal. That is, if the rogue leader of the dark matter wielders doesn’t find it first. She embarks on her cross-country quest with flame sword in-tow, navigating coven rivalries and resisting a forbidden attraction to her sworn protector. Finding the stone will save the earth and her brother, but Jenna’s evolution into a coven warrior may destroy any hope of returning to the world she calls home. Forbidden love? How fun!
I am left wondering why her evolution into a coven warrior may prevent her from returning home?


Thank you for your time and consideration,

Julia Alexandra

Your query is straight to the point and makes me so curios! It definitely sounds like a book I would read. I was left with so many questions, and you may want to expand on some of them, but overall it seems like a really solid query that will draw people in!

[juliaalexandra17]

Thank you so much for the constructive feedback so far! I’ll definitely try it with some tweaks and alternate sentence-placement.
I really appreciate that you all took the time to read my query and provide great suggestions.