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Post by nancykbrown on Jul 15, 2022 9:23:13 GMT -5
#MG #MR #ND Promises, lies, secrets. 11-year old Jess’ summer ruined. Mom in rehab. Grandma kills pests, Dad files divorce, moves. Girls save animals, Jess escapes underground, nearly dies in collapse. Nature, friendship lessons, girl love, accept family we have.
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Post by melpend on Jul 15, 2022 16:49:59 GMT -5
I love the first line. "Promises, lies, secrets." It sets a tone. The rest I think can be condensed and clarified.
When writing a pitch, think: When [Q], [X] must [Y] or else [Z]
Q = inciting incident, X = protagonist, Y = conflict/choice they must make, Z = what is at stake.
What does Jess want? What is standing in her way? What happens if she doesn't get it?
Hope this helps! Best of luck!
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Post by Jeanne on Jul 16, 2022 18:42:32 GMT -5
I love the first line, too. But the rest reads like unconnected dots begging to be connected. I'd rather read fewer nouns and know how they relate. And I'd like to know what is at stake for Jess besides a ruined summer, that teaches her to accept the family she has.
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