Zeppelin Pearl's Guide to Bounty Hunting

[ledelbrock]

Twelve-year-old paranormal bounty hunter Zeppelin Pearl doesn’t need much—her rusted out van named Penny, her trusty fedora, and her partner Mad Dog (aka her dad). And snacks, of course. But when a skip trace goes bad, Dad decides it’s time for Zeppelin to have a real home and a “normal” life, away from the job, away from the danger, and away from him.



Before Zeppelin can talk Dad out of his plan, they’ve moved in with his cousin and her son AJ. Goodbye motels and takeout food, hello family dinners and kale salads. After a single day, Zeppelin is ready to get back to her old life. But Dad’s gone, already out on his first solo hunt. Terrified he’ll get hurt, or worse, get used to life on the road without her, Zeppelin is determined to track him down. With AJ and his friend Camila tagging along, Zeppelin uses all her training, only to discover Dad is the target of a local lycanthrope crime family. And when he’s taken hostage, Zeppelin must learn to finally trust her new friends so together they can trace the most important skip of her life—her dad.



ZEPPELIN PEARL'S GUIDE TO BOUNTY HUNTING is complete at 50,000 words. It is a standalone middle grade novel with series potential that will appeal to fans of the heart and voice in The Remarkable Journey of Coyote Sunrise and the action and creatures in Amari and the Night Brothers.

[teacherdrama]

This is a good idea for a book!  I love the premise and the character seems like she could be really interesting.

Only a couple of nitpicks on you letter. First, it sounds like Zeppelin has a van. If she's 12, that doesn't really make sense. Is there a way to clear that up?

I'm sure it's a bigger thing, but I have no idea what a "skip trace" is. Maybe something explaining what they means...

I've heard that in your query you should limit the amount of names you use. You have Zeppelin and her Dad, but then throw in Camila and AJ as well. Are they necessary here - could you just mention her cousin and his friend?

Otherwise, I think you're pretty good - it's short and to the point. You have room to add a little more to clarify these things if you want.

Good luck!

[taratlk]

I actually do know what a skip trace is, but it might be worth considering changing that to when a job goes bad, in case other folks get tripped up by that.
I second changing up the phrasing to make it clear she loves riding around in the van, doesn't own it, though I'm sure she thinks she does.

[melpend]

I love this concept! It sounds like Supernatural for kids! I think your query is well-written. The voice and humor come through. I laughed at the "kale salad" part.

The only suggestion I have to add is to remove the word "finally" from this sentence: And when he’s taken hostage, Zeppelin must learn to finally trust her new friends so together they can trace the most important skip of her life—her dad. To me, it implies something happened previously to make her not trust her friends and since that's not addressed in the query, it raises a question for me. Plus, I think it's an extra word that's just not needed. 

Great job! I can't wait for this to get published! 

[ledelbrock]

Hey melpend taratlk teacherdrama thank you so much. You make great points, I'll fix those bits. Super helpful!

Thanks!
Liz