I AM GEMINI - verse novel

[KWR229]

Hey, everyone! Thanks for reading. I was inspired by a college professor, Chris Crowe, who wrote an entire novel in haiku syllables, one syllable for each American soldier lost in Vietnam (DEATH COMING UP THE HILL). Since I'm writing about Challenger, I thought it would be interesting to make each stanza like a countdown. I'm grateful for any and all feedback, but I especially wonder if this experimental format is too gimmicky and the rhythm tedious after a while. Thanks for your honest opinions.




JANUARY 12, 1986


 

4 a.m.



My blue Nissan Datsun swims through thick fog

alongside the frozen bird refuge.

Iron train tracks unfurl westward,

hugging earth’s dusted surface.

Two thousand miles away,

Columbia points

toward the stars.

My heart thrums,

counting

down.



—Is it a good day for liftoff? I say.


(This mission has been postponed four times.)


Dad’s rough fingers fold like a prayer.

—As far as I’ve heard, he says.



It’s hard to imagine

clear Florida skies

when I’m driving

through Utah

winter

soup.



Peter Gabriel belts from the tape deck,

but Dad doesn’t hum along. He’s tense

after sleeping through his alarm,

missing vanpool, letting me

drive in these conditions.



—I’ll be fine driving

home. All alone.

I sigh. Or . . .

I could

stay . . .



Bring-your-teen-to-Launch-Day will not happen

because:

    —You don’t have clearance, Tori.



—Why? They think I’ll steal top secrets?

You know me better than that.

They should trust your judgment.



—True. In more ways than

one, Dad says. But

managers

never

do.



High security means I can’t watch the

launch with Dad on closed-circuit TV.

He’ll see his rocket boosters roar

to the stratosphere’s fringes,

far from earth’s ugliness.

(Smog, junkyards . . . graveyards.)



I’ll surf channels,

praying to

catch one

glimpse.



These days, networks don’t care about showing

live launches, unless there’s a teacher

or politician onboard. But

congressmen don’t make shuttles

shimmer any brighter.

All rockets breaking

gravity’s grasp

are blinding

streaks of

hope.



—Luckily a senator is on this

crew, I say.

    Dad snorts. —Not luck at all.

Strategy. Public opinion

and science shouldn’t mix, but

popularity is

NASA’s life blood. No

funding without

tax money.



Dad scowls,

miffed,


same as the August day the president

announced the next PR stunt:
    Teacher

in Space. Not a former pilot-

turned-politician again.

A naïve civilian

riding explosives

out of this world.



—They’re taking

such a

risk,

Dad said, his eyes flickering like Pisces.


I heard his silent question: who else
might be chosen someday? Humble

Utah rocket engineers?



—Dad, what if you could go?
I cried. It’s not that

risky. Safer

than high school,

maybe.



—Why?

What happens at your school? Dad said.
    I shrugged

because I hate to see him stressing.



Like now. Staring out at nothing.


It’s hard to remember when

we used to celebrate

Launch Days with pizza,

before he got

twisted up

so tight.


Now

he paces through days before the countdown,

clenching fists, like he thinks he’s holding

the astronauts’ lives in his hands.

After, he dissects every

newscast clip, each replay,

a stern coach looking

for weakness.



—What

could go wrong?

I ask.



Pause.



Don’t worry. Nothing, he says, like always.



And nothing ever does. So why is

he pursing his lips like maybe

this one will be any different?



—Trust science, I remind him.



—Yes. I do. But his white
knuckles don’t relax.

[britstanford]

Really, really cool idea. Verse and countdown, along with the theme. Very cool. I've read a novel or two in verse, but I'm not a poet myself (so grain of salt here). I had to read this a second time to really get what was happening (but that may be just acclimatizing to a different format). I think this works for this passage, though I don't know about a novel length. I think the hardest part is using the countdown format in the dialogue bits. It can be a bit hard to follow.

Love these parts

"A naïve civilian

riding explosives

out of this world."

Jul 12, 2022 0:21:32 GMT -5 KWR229 said:

—Trust science, I remind him.



—Yes. I do. But his white
knuckles don’t relax.

[Lora Palmer]

I loved this! I'm not at all familiar with novels in verse, but I thought your descriptions and the dialogue were fantastic! I would definitely want to read the novel . You made a great point about networks at that time not spending much, if any, attention on shuttle launches. I hadn't thought about it at the time, but it explains why I had no idea the launch was even happening until another kid mentioned the explosion. Then, it was all over the news.

[christinaf]

I honestly don't know much about writing in verse or have really read much in verse either. I liked this though! You had some lines that were very lovely and really stuck out. "Dad's rough fingers fold like a prayer" and "It’s hard to imagine clear Florida skies when I’m driving through Utah winter soup" were a couple of my favorites. Nice job and good luck with this!