I AM GEMINI - historical with magical realism

[KWR229]

I AM GEMINI is a historical YA novel with elements of magical realism. Sixteen-year-old Tori tells her story in verse, mirroring the rhythm of a countdown. Tori has always loved the skies, like her rocket scientist father. She dreams of becoming a space shuttle commander. Then, the night before Challenger launches, Tori's dad confesses a terrible truth: he knows the astronauts are in grave danger, but executives have overridden his recommendation to postpone the launch. Tori has seen cryptic graffiti messages appearing on rusty train cars near Dad's NASA rocket-booster engineering plant for days. Now those eerie words begin to ring true. Someone else knows what might happen and has been trying to send her a warning. But why her? What can she do? Tori must decide if she’ll stand back while Dad takes the engineering plant hostage in a desperate attempt to stop the countdown. Or will Tori intervene and carry out Dad’s plans in his place? If she puts herself in the crosshairs, she may keep Dad out of prison but will sacrifice all hope of ever becoming an astronaut. If she does nothing, Dad may die for taking such a huge risk. Tori needs help saving her father, the Challenger, and her future. Where—and who—is the person spray-painting prophetic messages? Tori must unravel the mystery before rocket boosters ignite in T-minus eight hours.

[Lora Palmer]

Hi, there!

I love the premise of the novel! You have a gripping blurb here, and I so want to read this story. I don't feel qualified to comment on verse novels, but I really enjoyed your pages as well. My one question is about the cryptic graffiti messages and the warning for Tori. Are those two separate messages? I'd been thinking that since the graffiti was near her Dad's plant that the messages might be warnings for her Dad. In a way, it would make more sense to warn him. Or is the graffiti the message meant for Tori, and how does she know they're for her? Just a quick point of clarification. Best of luck with this!

[RebeccaJ_Allen]

I agree. This sounds great!

I mostly have nitpicks. Take whatever works for you and toss the rest.

[also, sorry, I can't get the paragraph returns to work in this post. not sure why. I've added bullets to show where I'd split it up.]

<abbr title="Jul 11, 2022 23:51:00 GMT -4" data-timestamp="1657597860000" class="o-timestamp time">Jul 11, 2022 23:51:00 GMT -4</abbr> KWR229 said:

Jul 11, 2022 22:51:00 GMT -5 KWR229 said:

• I AM GEMINI is a historical YA novel with elements of magical realism. Sixteen-year-old Tori tells her story in verse, mirroring the rhythm of a countdown.
• Tori has always loved the skies, like her rocket scientist father. She dreams of becoming a space shuttle commander. Then, the night before Challenger launches, Tori's dad confesses a terrible truth: he knows the astronauts are in grave danger, but executives have overridden his recommendation to postpone the launch.
• Tori has seen cryptic graffiti messages appearing on rusty train cars near Dad's NASA rocket-booster engineering plant for days. Now those eerie words begin to ring true. Someone else knows what might happen and has been trying to send her a warning. But why her? What can she do?
• Tori must decide if she’ll stand back while Dad takes the engineering plant hostage in a desperate attempt to stop the countdown. Or will Tori intervene and carry out Dad’s plans in his place? If she puts herself in the crosshairs, she may keep Dad out of prison but will sacrifice all hope of ever becoming an astronaut. If she does nothing, Dad may die for taking such a huge risk. Tori needs help saving her father, the Challenger, and her future. Where—and who—is the person spray-painting prophetic messages? [this quesiton about who is leaving the messages feels out of place. it might work better at the end of the last paragraph.] Tori must unravel the mystery before rocket boosters ignite in T-minus eight hours.[in fact, it might work to move both these. then you have two levels of stakes, one about unraveling the mystery in the second to last paragraph, and one about the consequences for her and her dad in the last paragraph].
• now that i'm reading more carefully, I see why you put "Where and who..." at the end. Because she needs help. I love the two stakes because both are compelling, but leaving them both in the last paragraph leaves it really dense and hitting very different issues. I still think that focusing on the messages/mystery in one paragraph and the consequences for Dad and the safety of the shuttle and crew in the other would give you a cleaner query. But it would require a bit of revision.

 

[christinaf]

Jul 11, 2022 22:51:00 GMT -5 KWR229 said:

I AM GEMINI is a historical YA novel with elements of magical realism. It is told in verse, mirroring the rhythm of a countdown.

Sixteen-year-old Tori tells her story in verse, mirroring the rhythm of a countdown. Tori has always loved the skies, like her rocket scientist father. She dreams of becoming a space shuttle commander. Then, the night before Challenger launches, Tori's dad confesses a terrible truth: he knows the astronauts are in grave danger, but executives have overridden his recommendation to postpone the launch.

Tori has seen cryptic graffiti messages appearing on rusty train cars near Dad's NASA rocket-booster engineering plant for days. Now those eerie words begin to ring true. Maybe add a bit more of what the eerie words are here? I get that they are probably cryptic warnings and you might be able to just say something like, After her dad's confession, Tori knows the eerie graffiti she's been seeing are actually cryptic warnings. ..or ya know, something like that?  Someone else knows what might happen and has been trying to send her a warning.If the graffiti is on train cars why does she think it's JUST for her? Couldn't anyone see that, so it could be directed at anyone? But why her? What can she do?

Tori must decide if she’ll stand back while her Dad takes the engineering plant hostage in a desperate attempt to stop the countdown. Or will Tori intervene and carry out her Dad’s plans in his place? (Is her only choice to take the plant hostage for her dad?) If she puts herself in the crosshairs, she may keep her Dad out of prison but will sacrifice all hope of ever becoming an astronaut. If she does nothing, her Dad may die for taking such a huge risk. Tori needs help saving her father, the Challenger, and her future. Where—and who—is the person spray-painting prophetic messages? Tori must unravel the mystery before rocket boosters ignite in T-minus eight hours.

I always like a good time crunch story! Feel free to take any of my changes or ignore them. I would mainly just suggest breaking up your query into paragraphs to make it easier for agents to read and see where the set up and character and stakes are. Good luck!