Dear God, I'm Gay

[beautifulbrainbooks]

Thanks for any feedback!


Elana's parents force her to move again after her father lost his job on a drunken bender. Her mother promises that she will spend the rest of her senior year there, but they had told her that at the beginning of the year as well. She worries about making friends, so when a girl is nice to her right off the bat, she gobbles it up.



She also writes many letters to God about her days, whether it involves math tests or the odd friendship that leads to even odder feelings. She knows her youth group, who talked about purity her first day, would think this was wrong, so God must too. It was lust, not love if they had anything to say about it. But she hopes that is far from the truth because she can't stop herself from falling for Ruth, no matter how hard she tries.



Ruth is already out at school and home, but it hasn't been easy. Her old friends abandoned her (though the only other openly queer person at school, Elias, is quick to invite her into his little group). Her parents are furious and tell her she must go to therapy to deal with her problem.



Ruth is made to write letters to God in therapy, but sometimes they aren't always the most reverent. Since her therapist promises not to read them (a promise she's not sure she believes), she is quick to write about her crush on Elana. She doesn't think she has a chance with such a pretty probably-straight girl, but that doesn't stop her from pining. When they both experience their first kiss, well, maybe Elana isn't as straight as she thought.



DEAR GOD, I'M GAY is a 65,000-word lesbian romance with themes of spirituality, friendship, and first love. I have a BA in English, am working towards an MFA in Creative Writing, and ghostwrite novels full time. I have been published in Stonecrop Review, Blue Lake Review, The Curator, Blood Moon Rising, and other literary magazines.



Thanks again everyone!

[Lora Palmer]

Hi, Kerenza,

Solid query, and I enjoyed reading it! I thought you wove the dual perspectives together well.

I did have a couple of suggestions. In the first paragraph, I'm thinking the first sentence could be clarified. I get the sense the father's drunken bender could be more of a habitual thing that causes the family to keep having to move around so he can find another job. If so, that first sentence could be strengthened to make this clear rather than imply it. Saying something along the lines of, "Elana's parents force her to move again after her father lost yet another job on a drunken bender," could be a simple tweak to make it clear.

In the third paragraph, I'd be tempted to tweak the second sentence to remove the parentheses, especially since you have parentheses in the following paragraph. I.e., "Though the only other openly queer person at school, Elias, is quick to invite her into his little group, her old friends abandoned her." Removing the parentheses honors the support system Elias and his friends have likely been for her while ending the sentence with the blow of losing her old friends. It packs a punch by ending with the first piece of why being out hasn't been easy. Then follows the next blow of her parents being furious and forcing her into therapy.

Hope these ideas help, and thank you so much for your feedback on my queries and pages!

[Daniel Tess]

To me, this doesn't read like a blurb. It reads like a synopsis.

In case you haven't yet heard of the best resource for learning how to write blurbs, go here, and here:

queryshark.blogspot.com (Read a ton of these)

https://www.reddit.com/r/writing/comments/aabb7y/query_shark_advice_distilled/

Beyond that I have just one question. What's different here from all the other times gay characters have been angsty about God in a book? What about these girls makes this interesting?

I'm afraid that if I read the book I'll find two dimensional characters which are defined solely by their angst towards God and sexuality.

Jul 9, 2022 15:30:25 GMT -5 beautifulbrainbooks said:

Thanks for any feedback!


Elana's parents force her to move again after her father lost his job on a drunken bender. Her mother promises that she will spend the rest of her senior year there, but they had told her that at the beginning of the year as well. She worries about making friends, so when a girl is nice to her right off the bat, she gobbles it up.



She also writes many letters to God about her days, whether it involves math tests or the odd friendship that leads to even odder feelings. She knows her youth group, who talked about purity her first day, would think this was wrong, so God must too. It was lust, not love if they had anything to say about it. But she hopes that is far from the truth because she can't stop herself from falling for Ruth, no matter how hard she tries.



Ruth is already out at school and home, but it hasn't been easy. Her old friends abandoned her (though the only other openly queer person at school, Elias, is quick to invite her into his little group). Her parents are furious and tell her she must go to therapy to deal with her problem.



Ruth is made to write letters to God in therapy, but sometimes they aren't always the most reverent. Since her therapist promises not to read them (a promise she's not sure she believes), she is quick to write about her crush on Elana. She doesn't think she has a chance with such a pretty probably-straight girl, but that doesn't stop her from pining. When they both experience their first kiss, well, maybe Elana isn't as straight as she thought.



DEAR GOD, I'M GAY is a 65,000-word lesbian romance with themes of spirituality, friendship, and first love. I have a BA in English, am working towards an MFA in Creative Writing, and ghostwrite novels full time. I have been published in Stonecrop Review, Blue Lake Review, The Curator, Blood Moon Rising, and other literary magazines.



Thanks again everyone!

[RebeccaJ_Allen]

Hey! This story sounds interesting, but there were a couple places I was confused or wanted more.

Here are some suggestions. Take whatever resonates and toss the rest!

Rebecca

Jul 9, 2022 15:30:25 GMT -5 beautifulbrainbooks said:

Thanks for any feedback!

It wasn't clear to me that this was two POV so I think you might want to say that right up front. "DEAR GOD, I'M GAY is a YA lesbian romance written written from two points of view." You can leave the themes at the end where they are now. Elana's parents force her to move again after her father lost his job on a drunken bender. Her mother promises that she will spend the rest of her senior year there[can you give us a sense of where "there" is? Small town? big city? Bible-belt town?], but they had told her that at the beginning of the year as well. She worries about making friends, so when a girlRuth is nice to her right off the bat, she gobbles it up.



She Elana also writes many letters to God about her days, whether it they involves math tests or the odd friendship [I'd love something more specific than "odd"] that leads to even odder feelings. She knows hHer youth group, which talked about purity her first day, would think this was wrong, so God must too. It was lust, not love if they had anything to say about it. But she hopes that is far from the truth because she can't stop herself from falling for Ruth, no matter how hard she tries. [you could tighten this paragraph some]



Ruth is already out at school and home, but it hasn't been easy. Her old friends abandoned her (though the only other openly queer person at school, Elias, is [you've got a change of tense here] quick to invite her into his little group). Her parents are furious and tell her she must go to["send her to" would be tighter] therapy to deal with her problem.



Ruth is made to write letters to God in therapy, but sometimes they aren't always the most reverent.[love this!] Since her therapist promises not to read them (a promise she's not sure she believes), she is quick to write about her crush on Elana. She doesn't think she has a chance with such a pretty probably-straight girl, but that doesn't stop her from pining. When they both experience their first kiss, well, maybe Elana isn't as straight as she thought. love this too!



DEAR GOD, I'M GAY is a 65,000-word lesbian romance with themes of spirituality, friendship, and first love. I have a BA in English, am working towards an MFA in Creative Writing, and ghostwrite novels full time. I have been published in Stonecrop Review, Blue Lake Review, The Curator, Blood Moon Rising, and other literary magazines.



Thanks again everyone!

[christinaf]

Jul 9, 2022 15:30:25 GMT -5 beautifulbrainbooks said:

Thanks for any feedback!


Elana's parents force her to move again after her father lost his job on a drunken bender. Her mother promises that she'll spend the rest of her senior year there, but they had told her that at the beginning of the year as well. She worries about making friends, so when a girl (if this is an important character, you could name her too, but that's up to you) is nice to her right off the bat, she gobbles it up.



She also writes many letters to God about her days, whether it involves math tests or the odd friendship that leads to even odder feelings. She knows her youth group, who talked about purity her first day, would think this was wrong, so God must too. It was lust, not love if they had anything to say about it. But she hopes that is far from the truth because she Elana can't stop herself from falling for Ruth, no matter how hard she tries.



Ruth is already out at school and home, but it hasn't been easy. Her old friends abandoned her (though the only other openly queer person at school, Elias, is quick to invite her into his little group). Her parents are furious and tell her she must go to therapy to deal with her problem.



Ruth is made to write letters to God in therapy, but sometimes they aren't always the most reverent. Since her therapist promises not to read them (a promise she's not sure she believes), she is quick to write about her crush on Elana. She doesn't think she has a chance with such a pretty probably-straight girl, but that doesn't stop her from pining. When they both experience their first kiss, well, maybe Elana isn't as straight as she thought.



DEAR GOD, I'M GAY is a 65,000-word lesbian romance with themes of spirituality, friendship, and first love. I have a BA in English, am working towards an MFA in Creative Writing, and ghostwrite novels full time. I have been published in Stonecrop Review, Blue Lake Review, The Curator, Blood Moon Rising, and other literary magazines.



Thanks again everyone!


Nice query! I just had a few tweaks to help with the flow of reading but feel free to use or not! Good luck!